The Ballad of Mary Webster

                             The Ballad of Mary Webster

T’was in Harrison House in Battle Creek In the State of Michigan, brother,

   That a maiden stood with a comb in one hand And a pair of shears in the other.

“That’s it,” she exclaimed as she finished the job; “I’ll find a new spot on this sphere

   Where a new type of work will earn money in gobs And the weather is cold

most all year!

I have seen how Kellogg’s makes Corn Flakes, How ships go through locks at the Soo

   How Ford makes autos at Dearborn And the malls of Kalamazoo

But I never have seen any mountains! No ocean’s come under my gaze!

   I’m going to climb in my Cutlass And just drive northwest for days!”

So Mary did climb in her Cutlass With sleeping bag, grubstake and gear.

   “Goodbye,” she called as she headed north, “I’ll stay for at least a year.

I may prospect for gold in the valleys Or hunt in the mountains for bear

   Or get a job on a fishing boat, Just anything but curl hair!

I’ll call when I get to Alaska Where the air’s unpolluted and clear

   For the natives are friendly and helpful And I’ll make it in no time, have no fear.”

From Mackinac Bridge she rolled westward Through woodland, o’er rivers

and plains

And great stretches of mountainous scenery “Til she came to the city of Haines;

And there the long highway ended. “How can I reach Juneau?” asked Mary.

   “You’re in luck,” the station man answered, “Tomorrow’s the day for the ferry.”

“I must stop this outflow of money, And establish an income real soon.

   These motels are draining my grubstake.” mused Mary as she looked at the moon.

“First a phone call to tell them I made it, And see if my puppy’s okay;

   Then into that big boat for Juneau! At last I have gotten away!”

So into the Capital city At the meeting of mountain and sea

   Drove Mary and found an apartment On Mt. Roberts side by a tree.

And now to the employment office; What will be her new line of work?

   “How are your typing and shorthand? Can you sew quite well?” asked the clerk.

There’s a hairdresser needed in Glacier Village, Just north of here at M’Lady’s

   “It’s for me,” cried Mary delighted, Jumped into her Cutlass and drove like Hades.

In M’Lady’s Salon in Juneau In the State of Alaska, brother, 

   Mary stands with a comb in one hand And a pair of shears in the other.

“It’s a pretty good life after all,” smiled Mary, “Even better than fish or hunt bear;

   I’ve an ocean and mountains to look at And I don’t really mind curling hair!”

by Olive Webster